Love this...

A girl named Jill and the warrior Susan

I love it when an event takes place to remind you that miracles do happen and makes you to believe again. This happened last night when a story that I have been following for years finally closed with the most beautiful and joyous ending. Whoever was reading my blog a few months ago may remember that I wrote a post about a girl called Jill McCloghry from the blog {Love}. Jill was having huge complications with her second pregnancy. She had already suffered one of the worst tragedies a person can go through but her grace and faith throughout it all was so remarkable and inspiring. Well...it is a great honor to announce that her little girl, Maizey Augustine was born on December 7th. I had been messing around on twitter last night and was about to close it down when I got a tweet along with a picture of the most gorgeous baby girl. It made my eyes tear up and had me grinning from ear to ear. What a pleasure it has been following this beautiful woman's journey.

I encourage you to go through Jill's blog and read some of her posts. If you have ever suffered a devastating loss, particularly that of a child or if you are on that often painful journey of waiting for a baby, Jill's writing will help you and bring you great comfort.

Unfortunately I also got some sad news a few days ago. I have followed dear Susan at If You Are Going Through Hell Keep Going since I started blogging. What this woman has been through for the sake of her health is unbelievable. She has to be one of the most courageous people I know. Her insight into the world of mental illness has always in helped me and comforted me.

Susan was rushed to hospital nearly three weeks ago with kidney failure. They believe this was caused either by the drug Nexium or Seroquel. She is now home again but the road to recovering will be a long hard one. Hearing this news was very hard as with any of us who suffers a mental illness it hits really close to home and I really do care for this lovely woman. God is bigger than everything she is going through right now and I believe he will still do mighty things through her.

Two wonderful ladies, two very different circumstances. Both of them give me hope.

I have decided to post "Stronger" being sung by Jill on the Hillsong Chapel album (she has done several recordings for Hillsong). I have really had this song on my heart for the past few days...have a listen.

A girl named JILL

http://jillmccloghry.blogspot.com/
In the past week, my mother has desperately been trying to sell her business rather than declare bankruptcy, I have had a birthday, held a dear friend's hand in her fight to come off antidepressants and my grandmother fell and broke her leg and is now in hospital awaiting surgery. She is 83 and has Alzheimer's, what's worse is that because she has no insurance she now lies in a state hospital- the same hospital I was in and which a doctor told me I needed to be "brave" to be sick there. Each member of the family that is willing to help has been taking it in turns to sit with her and constantly reassure her. From experience I know this hospital frightened me ( at first ) so I can't imagine what it must be like for her.

In our family there are always problems, things are always wrong. But when things reach crisis level- EVERYTHING happens at once- my Mom's business ( our livelihood ) my grandmother... . I hate to say this but very secretly I am just waiting for whatever is next to hit. Because, believe me judging from the past there always has been a NEXT.

It's in times like these that I really suffer from not having any faith in God, for being unsure if he truly exists. Honestly if I did believe wholeheartedly in God right now I would be angry at him, but I would be grateful because being angry at God I think, is far better than being angry at a void. In hospital my mother, always heartbreakingly faithful prayed many prays. She doesn't pray your typical fire and brimstone prays that so many people seem to associate with the church. She spoke as she as someone would speak to a Dad, whom they loved very much. I couldn't listen to her because it was just too painful to listen my beloved mother- whom I love so much, who has never done anything wrong, who has always been faithful and loved almost beyond her capacity- BEG yet again to a God who seems intent and punishing us.

The night before last I was sitting in the hospital waiting room listening to my ipod, surrounded by sleeping bodies of people who were either waiting for news of a loved one or for treatment themselves. A song came on that has always been a source of comfort. "Desert Song" was written by Brooke Fraser and is was first sung on the Hillsong live album "This is our God". Jill McCloghry, the young women that sings with Brooke is one of the most amazing people I have ever come across and even though I have never meet her this girl has given more faith, more reason never to give up than anyone else.

About two years ago Jill and her husband tragically lost their baby boy, Max who was born prematurely. The loss of any loved one is heartbreaking but the loss of a child, especially one so little can been so overwhelming and devastating that some people never recover. Yet Jill is a women that is filled with grace and love and has faithfully gone on, putting her complete trust in God. She is now pregnant again with a little girl but has had a high risk pregnancy and they are right now praying against another premature labor.

Jill has poured her heart out in a blog in which she talks about her grief and her anger, but also her hopes and dreams and always her love and unfailing trust in her God. I love how she is allowing each experience she goes through to shape her into the person Gods wants her to be. She knows there is a eternal plan involved and she has given herself up to it. To do this is one of the most courageous things a person can do.

In truth Jill is the type of person I inspire to be. Instead of letting fear into her heart she has made the decision to praise and find joy in life's tiny fragments I envy her faith which seems to come to her so naturally. For me faith and deciding there is a God is a decision that I have to make each day, sometimes more than once. And some days I FAIL.

She gives me inspiration and if anything I can believe God is placing certain people strategically in my life who give me hope and whom He can demonstrate His love through. Maybe it's His way of quietly guiding me back to him. Right now I am in so much darkness that I can't see anything.

So many things can happen from here on. By this time next week my family's main source of income could be gone. My Nana may get worse. I may never recover from this illness. But the decision I am going to make is that My family will make it, we have each other. My Nana will walk again and I will still be victorious against depression, anxiety and BIH. A friend of mind once said that what we see right now is only a pixel of God's massive painting. I will choose, to the best of my ability to believe it.

I am posting Desert Song and another song Jill wrote called "We the Redeemed" I really wish Hillsong would use her more for their song writing, she has a true gift with writing.

If I am allowed to be smug. I am surprised at how well the last two days have gone. I haven't had any problems my depression- mostly because I haven't had time to think about myself. But the biggest thing is that my anxiety has been mostly stable, all of this INCREDIBLY without having any sleep or medication for the last two days. Unfortunately last night I reached my limit and the withdrawal began. But for two days I was fine.

AND...hopefully one of these days my posts will get shorter lol!