This is where I'm at now...

http://www.omdraaisvlei.co.za/

There is nothing like living in clean air and peace and quiet that cleans out the soul :)

Milo- First six months on the blue planet

I don't know when exactly Milo was born but we are estimating that it was the end of December/ beginning of January this year. His mother had back to back litters in a hole under the farm workshop. I heard that the kittens from the litter before Milo's had suffered cruel fate which I won't go into. It seems that fate literally dropped him into our laps- how strange that we happened to be driving on the same road at the exact same time Milo's mother was carrying him across. We had actually meant to be home earlier that day but were delayed for some reason I can't remember. I was told to take him because they shoot stray cats on the farm where I live because they rent some of their land to an organic chicken farm. How anyone could shoot a kitten is beyond me and I became furious and told the farm manager that he was to bring any stray cats to me and I would take them to the SPCA. I threatened to lay charges and go to our local newspaper. I think he found that more funny than threatening but obviously I must of made an impression because he started to feed Milo's mother and her remaining kittens. As far as I know they are still hanging out at his house but they are feral and he plans to take them to the SPCA once he has tamed them.

We have also seen a cat that we are sure is Milo's father- he has exactly the same colouring. This cat has to be one of the most enormous cats I have ever seen. Comparing Milo with his siblings, he was almost twice their size. So this is going to be one BIG kitty that we'll have on our hands.

It's only once I looked at the photo's I have been taking of him over these past months that I realise now how much he has grown. When he started out his ears looked to big for his face. He is now going through what I hope is just a phase of being really aggressive- attacking people's  feet with no warning. It feels like we are disciplining a two year old.

Anyway, despite his stubbornness and tough-boy persona, I have really grown to love this silly kitty and I hope and pray he will be with us for many years to come. I have posted a whole big bunch of pics of Milo from when I first found him to how he is today.

Hours after I found him- a very scruffy and flea-bitten kitty (not a very flattering picture of my nose!)

He liked to cuddle and go to sleep when in the car

Keeping the kitty in the mirror company

He is alseep here! He fell asleep while licking his butt!!

Loves his favorite toy- a teddy I've had since I was born.

This may look cute but he attacked me seconds after this was taken.

Bedtime

Chewing on my nose

Back from the hospital and very scrawny and skinny, he's made up for it though!

Cats seem to be very specific on how they drink water

Lazy ass

"By standing in front of the computer screen, I'm sure I'll helping Mom study!"

Why are cats so weird?

"I love making a mess and watching Mom clean up YEAH!"

I'm I the only that finds it a little freaky that he insists on watching me bath?

"I've discovered the roof"

"Now if only I can discover how to get down!"

Top ten most unusual degrees

As hard as my degree is I choose it because of it's exclusivity. Very few people will have a degree like mine. Doesn't change the fact that it can be as boring as hell at times or really tricky. When I was at school I really looked forward to university because it meant that finally, I could study something that I wanted to. But in the end common sense told me that Drama and Film Studies was not the most practical choice to put bread on the table. And unfortunately I wasn't blessed with the brains it that would require me to study Psychics or Astronomy. But despite all this, being unique is something that I have always tried to go by in my studies and soon I will have to make a decision on what to study further once I have my degree. I had this on my mind one day while I was trying to avoid studying for my Integrated Organisational Communication exam ( having written the exam, I STILL have no idea what that's about). I googled the ten most unusual degrees. The results I got really surprised me....

The Beatles, Popular Music and Society (MA)

Are you a fan of The Beatles?. I mean, are you really, really a fan of The Beatles?. Enough to spend a year of your life studying everything about them?. This degree examines the impact The Beatles had on music, society, fashion...everything and it's offered by a university that is based in none other than their hometown, Liverpool, England. Beware though and I know this from experience...a way for you to stop becoming a fan of something is to study it academically. You might just land up hating The Beatles once you are done.

Egyptology (BA)
Remember the nerd in Stargate?. Well he was an Egyptologist. There are several universities around the world that offer this degree and you can also do a Masters and even a PhD in it. I will confess that back when I still wanted to be an actress, a singer and an astronaut this is something that I wanted to do because I was fascinated ( and still am ) by ancient Egypt. As fascinating as this degree may be...exactly what you would do with it- besides telling people all about ancient Egypt and maybe write a book- I'm not sure. It mostly goes hand-in-hand with Archeology and I would think that you would have to make some great big discovery to be noticed and for it to start paying off. Right now I think more attention should be given to what is happening in present day Egypt than to what happened in it's past.

BFA, MA, MFA Puppetry
The University of Connecticut is the only university in the world that offers a Masters in...making puppets. Having seen the photographs of the students work I will say they are absolutely stunning. I don't think a degree is required to be a master puppeteer- some of the best puppets I have ever seen were made by South Africa's poorest who pretty much taught themselves how to make puppets. In fact South Africa are rather famous for their puppet shows, some of which have gone on world tours. Still, I think that this could be a hard business to break into and having had an actual academic education in something so unusual could say that you have perfected your craft and will put you a cut above the rest.

B.A. in Enigmatology
This degree is so unique that only one person in the world has it!. Will Shortz always had a passion for puzzles and somehow convinced Indiana University to let him design his own curriculum and he graduated in 1974. Today he is the the puzzle editor for The New York Times. Shortz is said to have been able to solve any type puzzle or code given to him, in record time too. I attempted one of this guy's crossword puzzles on a flight from New York to San Francisco a few years ago- I'm not exactly a master code cracker but I have solved a good puzzle here and there. Two hours into the flight and after bugging the passengers on either side of me and a couple of air hostesses I was stumped and had to give up. So it seems that this unusual degree is paying off. My question is why hasn't anyone else done it?.

Degree in Anime and MangaOkay, I had to do a double take when I saw this one....you can get a degree in Japanese cartoons and comic books consisting of characters with overcompensating eyes, annoying straight hair and BIG boobies (that magically don't jiggle)?. Then again I shouldn't be very surprised since it does play a big part in Japan's culture and is an obsession of emos and nerds worldwide- I'm one of them by the way. I have loved both anime and manga since I was small but because it is just animation and not live action, you will be amazed at what they can get away with- let's just say that I didn't know people could have sex in cartoons. Some of the stuff is downright disturbing. Mostly it is very interesting and a lot of fun with some really good story lines. But trying to keep a straight      face in front of a potential employer when he says "You have a degree in what!?" might be a little tricky.

Thanatology (M.A.)

Thanatology. The study of death. That's right DEATH. But despite the morbid undertone there is actually a lot of practicality in this degree and there is a huge demand for it. Graduates work with people facing terminal illness and the bereaved as well and generally educating people about death. I have a lot of admiration for people like that but I can't imagine dedicating my whole life to dying and using death to earn a living. I guess it might make the very moment of one's own death kinda like an anti- climax- "I'm dying!...now what did I learn in Thantology 101again?"

MSc in Parapsychology
Staying with death, this degree examines life after death and psychic abilities. It's mostly aimed at graduate students of psychology and sociology. And it's offered online. After having a look at the outline of this course I don't know if could ever get a peaceful nights sleep while studying this. I can't imagine writing an exam on
Extrasensory Perception and Psychokinesis Research or Studies of Evidence for Survival of Bodily Death. What do you do for a living with something like this? "There's a ghost!....now what was it that we learnt in Apparition class again?".

Complementary Healthcare (Aromatherapy) BA/BA (Hons)
Trying to get anyone to take you seriously when you tell them that you are doing a degree in Aromatherapy and making your parents pay university level fees on top of that may be a little difficult. With this degree you will learn how to blend essential oils for your clients well-being while studying the benefits and philosophies of complementary healthcare. You could also learn all of this during a six month course at a fraction of the price but then again I guess it is all about leading the pack in a tough market.

BFA in Instrumental Performance- Bagpipes
I guess you could see this as a major in any other "normal" instrument like piano or violin...but still bagpipes?... AND it is offered by a university in the U.S. Having looked at their website Carneige Mellon University looks like a really cool, eclectic sort of place to study. I am not ashamed to say that I actually like the sound of bagpipes (might have something to do with my Scottish ancestry). But there us still the lingering question of how a degree such as this will bring home the bacon.

 BSc (Hons) Surf Science and Technology
Surfs up dude. Now you can like, totally get a degree in surfing. Ha-ha, ha-ha. No you can't do it in Australia or Miami or Hawaii...you can like, do it in sunny England. At a place called Plymouth. Ply....mouth. They say it's a "A globally unique qualification"...no sh*t. This degree will offer "Practical beach sessions focusing on scientific method"...say what?, just grab your board and go!. Amongst their alumni a couple of dudes/ dudettes went on to become an "accountant" and a "solicitor"...how in God's name did that happen!?. I grew up around surfers and I know that there is definitely a very unique and dynamic culture that surrounds surfing (and I am not naive enough to believe that nobody surfs in England). But this is ridiculous. When you are dragging your butt off the beach to go and study the science of your surf board....you may just be missing the perfect wave.

Do you have a degree? Are you, like me still in the process of getting a degree. What are you studying?. Is/ was it worth it?

Happy Blogoversary!

A year ago today I started this blog. I actually can't believe it is just been a year- it feels like ages ago when I nervously sat in my bedroom with my laptop on my lap and opened my heart up to cyberspace. Man, I had no idea where to start. It was just a few months after I had been diagnosed with BIH and I was at my sickest. I can't say how far down the road to recovery I have come since starting this blog since. My life has been characterized by constant ups and downs. But I can definitely say since I started blogging I am a lot more informed about mental illness, treatment and recovery. And I have discovered a lot more about myself.

I called this blog "Hope for the flowers" after a book by the same name written by Trina Paulus. It was read to me when I was little and I have read it countless times since becoming an adult. It's message has always remained true to me- to become the person you were meant to be takes time, courage, refinement, patience, pain and love. I live in hope for my "flowers" and believe that everything I have gone through and everything I am going through now with bring out the best in me and help me discover who I really am and what I am meant to be doing with my life.

Since it's my first blogoversary I thought would repost my very first post. Reading this post again a year later...I have to wonder what the heck was going through my mind when I wrote this, was I tripping or what?!. I am also posting a song called "Hope for the flowers" by Jason Mraz.

Thank- you to everyone who has supported and encouraged me this past year. You have all been a blessing!

April 21st 2010

Meet Stripe and Yellow.....



Some of you may know them some of you may not. For those of you that do know them you'll know they were two of the bravest caterpillars ever to crawl on earth.


This blog will not be about the great Stripe and Yellow, but I thought they would be great introduction. Why? because not matter how small and insignificant a person is, they have a story to tell and some stories are REALLY worth telling.

My story is rather unusual and rather heartbreaking, but also funny and at times uplifting. I'm writing for many reasons: My family, to find someone in the same boat and I really do hope that some of the things I have to say will help and least one person. But, (and I really hope I don't sound self- absorbed- that is NOT my intention)I am mostly writing for myself. I want something tangible that I can hold onto to remind that I am on a journey, that I am taking baby steps and that I am one step ahead then I was yesterday- there is tomorrow. On that glorious day when I reach the top of this mountain I can look back down into the valley- read everything I wrote and say " Wow! what a ride".

A few warnings first: I used to be good at writing but long years of neglect have put me severely out of practice. Also trying to express myself will be difficult at first. Please be patient with me!

Secondly, I have inherited my dad's stubborn mind and have STRONG opinions about certain things. I am hoping my sweet mothers influence on me will have given me some tact. But in the end they are just opinions agreeing and disagreeing with them is your right.

Until next time.....

To all my readers in the U.S...

Is anyone willing to give a home to a heartbroken kitty named Precious

I'm pregnant....

The father is either Luke Skywalker or Donald Duck...

Lady Gaga is my half cousin

I think George Bush is a hottie

And my cat can speak...three languages

If you haven't figured out that it is April Fools day by now you are square...

I have been able to pull off some good ones in my time. Probably the most dangerous one was when I called my mother from London and told her I got married to my boss. All it took was her saying, "I don't want to hear this" in a tone of voice that made me realise if I didn't end the joke right then and there it didn't matter that there was an entire continent between us the explosion would be huge.

I have been off my usual blogging topics lately. I apologise...honestly with all the new personal issues that I am having to face (and am not willing to discuss on this blog yet) I just haven't been up to it. But I am interested to see the response, if any, to this post!.

So if you have been majorly fooled today don't feel bad- just have a laugh, that's what it is all about!. I shall end with a link to my friend's blog where she tells the story of how she was duped by possibly one of the best April Fools I have managed to pull off. She took it really well and we are still friends to this day. If you are a soccer fan and support a particular team you will understand why this nearly broke her heart....
April Fools: San Siro burns down

P.S If you STILL thought I was serious by the time I got to George Bush not only are you square, you are also disturbed! :)

House of candles: Earth Hour at my house

* Posted from my blackberry so I hope it looks ok!

Happy Singles Awareness Day!



JenniPenni



So the day of red and white has rolled round ( well it is just ending for me hear...thank God). If you are a guy with a girl, today is not the day you want to be broke. If you are girl  with a guy now is a great time to show off to your friends....or cower in the corner. And if you are single, well on just this one day you will probably feel so much more...single.

Valentines have never been all that spectacular for me. In primary it was exciting because I would maybe find a chocolate on my pillow when I got home from school. Sweets in our house were rare. In highschool I was ignored, although I had a friend who used to bake heart- shaped cookies every Valentines- she saved me. And then of course there are those "young love" relationships were most of the time we were both to broke to do anything spectacular. I had a guy dedicate a song on the radio to me while I was living in London. That was the only highlight in my Valentine history.

Now this may sound unbelievable. But I am a very happy singleton and a very grateful one too. I can't imagine being in a relationship at this time in my life- the poor man!. I don't even have the desire to get married. But I am only human and on this day when where kitchy red hearts, over priced cards and stuffed animals are flying around I have the same feeling I have every year: I am wondering if there is something wrong with me. I almost feel guilty for not having someone in my life- even though it is my own choice. However, all is not lost I think I have found a way to combat this.

When Valentines rolled around last year I was still very sick with BIH. My Mom's two cousins popped in uninvited as they always do and I made Thai Green Curry for everyone. My Mom wanted to have a special dinner for my dad by the dam- which was the highest point on the farm and had magnificent views. So I cooked them roast vegetables and steak and made chocolate cake for desert. My cousins and I then dragged our braai ( a barbaque) up a steep hill for a fire. I set the table with a white cloth and silver candle sticks and had to practically do a bloody fire dance to get the fire going. The look on my Dad's face when my Mom brought him was priceless. My parents spent most of the evening up there. I went home and watched Titanic (don't judge me!).

I was exhausted but I felt happy and I realised it was because even though I didn't have a Valentine. I had created a wonderful Valentines memory for my parents. This year I did the same thing. I had to resort to ready made meals because I was so short on cash...but they didn't know that:). So if you get depressed on Valentines Day like I did try making doing something for somebody who isn't your lover but needs to be shown a little bit of love. Help a couple out that can't afford a nice Valentines. Let your loved ones know you love them.

Showing someone that you love them really rang true for me today. This morning we discovered my cousin was going in for a MRI because they suspect he has a tumor on the brain. He had not told anyone because he didn't want to add to the family problems. Having been through this myself two years ago I know how terrifying it can be and I can't imagine having to do it alone. We raced through to the hospital. I was able to hang out with him just before he went in. He was in this dodgy multi- coloured hospital gown. It was so funny, he looked like Joseph with his technicoloured dream coat. We were laughing and joking around and then I watched, with a heavy heart as he walked down the hall and disappeared. I didn't have a boyfriend today, I didn't get to go to a fancy resturant or on a romantic picnic but I can tell you with certainty that there was no place I would rather have been.

Here is a song I learnt in primary school. It is really beautiful even if it is a little corny. I love John Denver and the message in the lyrics is perfect for what I want to say:)

Top 10 Bizarre Mental Disorders

I have had the WORST week you can imagine: I'm being weaned off meds, having other meds increased, my friend's father passed away, my grandmother got turned down by a home ( "she's too crazy for us"), I got stung by a bee (I'm allergic) and I have had some people be incredibly mean to me. It really has been the horrible. The perfect conditions for WRITER'S BLOCK.

Anyway I still want to keep this blog regularly updated while I am sorting out the mess that is my life but being unable to write at the moment I thought I would share something I came across on Listverse : It may not be appros to say this reading this actually made me grateful for just being afflicted with a mainstream mental disorder.

Top 10 Bizarre Mental Disorders

1. Reduplicative Paramnesia  (Stephi: We have had episodes of this with my grandmother)

Reduplicative paramnesia is the delusional belief that a place or location has been duplicated, existing in two or more places simultaneously, or that it has been ‘relocated’ to another site. For example, a person may believe that they are in fact not in the hospital to which they were admitted, but an identical-looking hospital in a different part of the country, despite this being obviously false, as one case study reported:

A few days after admission to the Neurobehavioural Center, orientation for time was intact, he could give details of the accident (as related to him by others), could remember his doctors’ names and could learn new information and retain it indefinitely. He exhibited, however, a distinct abnormality of orientation for place. While he quickly learned and remembered that he was at the Jamaica Plain Veterans Hospital (also known as the Boston Veterans Administration Hospital), he insisted that the hospital was located in Taunton, Massachusetts, his home town. Under close questioning, he acknowledged that Jamaica Plain was part of Boston and admitted it would be strange for there to be two Jamaica Plain Veterans Hospitals. Nonetheless, he insisted that he was presently hospitalized in a branch of the Jamaica Plain Veterans Hospital located in Taunton. At one time he stated that the hospital was located in the spare bedroom of his house.

The term ‘reduplicative paramnesia’ was first used in 1903 by the Czechoslovakian neurologist Arnold Pick to describe a condition in a patient with suspected Alzheimer’s disease who insisted that she had been moved from Pick’s city clinic, to one she claimed looked identical but was in a familiar suburb. To explain the discrepancy she further claimed that Pick and the medical staff worked at both locations.

2. Cotard Delusion  (Stephi: This one is just awful!!)

The Cotard delusion is a rare psychiatric disorder in which a person holds a delusional belief that he or she is dead, does not exist, is putrefying or has lost their blood or internal organs. Rarely, it can include delusions of immortality.


One case study said the following:

[The patient's] symptoms occurred in the context of more general feelings of unreality and being dead. In January, 1990, after his discharge from hospital in Edinburgh, his mother took him to South Africa. He was convinced that he had been taken to hell (which was confirmed by the heat), and that he had died of septicaemia (which had been a risk early in his recovery), or perhaps from AIDS (he had read a story in The Scotsman about someone with AIDS who died from septicaemia), or from an overdose of a yellow fever injection. He thought he had “borrowed my mother’s spirit to show me round hell”, and that he was asleep in Scotland.

It is named after Jules Cotard, a French neurologist who first described the condition, which he called “le délire de négation” (“negation delirium”), in a lecture in Paris in 1880.

3. Fregoli Delusion

The exact opposite of the Capgras delusion – the Fregoli delusion is a rare disorder in which a person holds a delusional belief that different people are in fact a single person who changes appearance or is in disguise.


The condition is named after the Italian actor Leopoldo Fregoli who was renowned for his ability to make quick changes of appearance during his stage act.

It was first reported 1927 by two psychiatrists who discussed the case study of a 27 year old woman who believed that she was being persecuted by two actors whom she often went to see at the theatre. She believed that these people “pursued her closely, taking the form of people she knows or meets.”

4. Capgras Delusion

The Capgras delusion is a rare disorder in which a person holds a delusional belief that an acquaintance, usually a spouse or other close family member, has been replaced by an identical looking impostor.


It is most common in patients with schizophrenia, although it occur in those with dementia, or after a brain injury.

One case report said the following:

Mrs. D, a 74-year old married housewife, recently discharged from a local hospital after her first psychiatric admission, presented to our facility for a second opinion. At the time of her admission earlier in the year, she had received the diagnosis of atypical psychosis because of her belief that her husband had been replaced by another unrelated man. She refused to sleep with the impostor, locked her bedroom and door at night, asked her son for a gun, and finally fought with the police when attempts were made to hospitalize her. At times she believed her husband was her long deceased father. She easily recognized other family members and would misidentify her husband only.

The paranoia induced by this condition has made it a common tool in science fiction books and films, such as Invasion of the Body Snatchers, Total Recall and The Stepford Wives.


5. Jerusalem Syndrome

The Jerusalem syndrome is the name given to a group of mental phenomena involving the presence of either religiously themed obsessive ideas, delusions or other psychosis-like experiences that are triggered by, or lead to, a visit to the city of Jerusalem. It is not endemic to one single religion or denomination, but has affected Jews and Christians of many different backgrounds.


The condition seems to emerge while in Jerusalem and causes psychotic delusions which tend to dissipate after a few weeks. Of all the people who have suffered this spontaneous psychosis, all have had a history of previous mental illness, or where deemed not to have been ‘well’ before coming to the city.

6. Stendhal Syndrome

Stendhal Syndrome is a psychosomatic illness that causes rapid heartbeat, dizziness, confusion and even hallucinations when an individual is exposed to art, usually when the art is particularly ‘beautiful’ or a large amount of art is in a single place. The term can also be used to describe a similar reaction to a surfeit of choice in other circumstances, e.g. when confronted with immense beauty in the natural world.


It is named after the famous 19th century French author Stendhal who described his experience with the phenomenon during his 1817 visit to Florence, Italy in his book Naples and Florence: A Journey from Milan to Reggio.

7. Paris Syndrome

Paris syndrome is a condition exclusive to Japanese tourists and nationals, which causes them to have a mental breakdown while in the famous city. Of the millions of Japanese tourists that visit the city every year, around a dozen suffer this illness and have to be returned to their home country.


The condition is basically a severe form of ‘culture shock’. Polite Japanese tourists who come to the city are unable to separate their idyllic view of the city, seen in such films as Amelie, with the reality of a modern, bustling metropolis.

Japanese tourists who come into contact with, say, a rude French waiter, will be unable to argue back and be forced to bottle up their own anger which eventually leads to a full mental breakdown.

The Japanese embassy has a 24hr hotline for tourists suffering for severe culture shock, and can provide emergency hospital treatment if necessary.

8. Diogenes Syndrome

Diogenes was an ancient Greek philosopher, who lived in a wine barrel and promoted ideas of nihilism and animalism. Famously, when he was asked by Alexander the Great what he wanted most in the world, he replied, “For you to get out of my sunlight!”


Diogenes syndrome is a condition characterised by extreme self neglect, reclusive tendencies, and compulsive hoarding, sometimes of animals. It is found mainly in old people and is associated with senile breakdown.

The syndrome is actually a misnomer since Diogenes lived an ascetic and transient life, and there are no sources to indicate that he neglected is own hygiene.

9. Lima Syndrome

The exact opposite of Stockholm syndrome – this is where the hostage takers become more sympathetic to the plights and needs of the hostages.


It is named after the Japanese embassy hostage crisis in Lima, Peru where 14 members of the Tupac Amaru Revolutionary Movement (MRTA) took hundreds of people hostage at a party at the official residence of Japan’s ambassador to Peru. The hostages consisted of diplomats, government and military officials, and business executives of many nationalities who happened to be at the party at the time. It began on December 17, 1996 and ended on April 22, 1997.

Within a few days of the hostage crisis, the militants had released most of the captives, with seeming disregard for their importance, including the future President of Peru, and the mother of the current President.

After months of unsuccessful negotiations, all remaining hostages were freed by a raid by Peruvian commandos, although one hostage was killed.

10. Stockholm Syndrome

Stockholm syndrome is a psychological response sometimes seen in an abducted hostage, in which the hostage shows signs of sympathy, loyalty or even voluntary compliance with the hostage taker, regardless of the risk in which the hostage has been placed. The syndrome is also discussed in other cases, including those of wife-beating, rape and child abuse.


The syndrome is named after a bank robbery in Stockholm, Sweden, in which the bank robbers held bank employees hostage from August 23 to August 28 in 1973. In this case, the victims became emotionally attached to their victimizers, and even defended their captors after they were freed from their six-day ordeal, refusing to testify against them. Later, after the gang were tried and sentenced to jail, one of them married a woman who had been his hostage.

A famous example of Stockholm syndrome is the story of Patty Hearst, a millionaire’s daughter who was kidnapped in 1974, seemed to develop sympathy with her captors, and later took part in a robbery they were orchestrating.

Sources: http://listverse.com/2007/10/13/top-10-bizarre-mental-disorders/

Be sure to check out part 2 of their list of bizarre mental disorders.



Me gots a blog award!

My dear friend, Wendy and her girls over at Year of the Cats have awarded me with a "Stylish Blog Award"! *blink* blink* blush*. Now it may only be January but this has made my YEAR!. It had me grinning from ear to ear and I actually went to get my Mom (who had just gone to bed) to show her. Thank- you so much Wendy! This was so special and I'm touched that you have honored my blog:).

I found Wendy over at Takashi's blog and her sincere and compassionate advice- never being afraid to go against the tide- made my want to be her friend. She blogs about her two beautiful kitties, Sele and Bella, her life as a Wiccan and being Bipolar. For me visiting her blog is like visiting a gift shop everything is so colourful and diverse and I always feel like I come away with something special. Her writing so beautiful and has had me both laughing my head off and in tears.

I'm going to copy Wendy's tradition as a recipient of a blog award and tell you seven interesting things about myself:

1. Despite being incredibly SHY I have won several awards and competitions for public- speaking

2. I am a descendant of both Captain James Cook and Stonewall Jackson and on Dad's side my great great grandmother was a Cherokee Indian.

3. I have lived in three countries: I was born in Texas, USA, my parents emigrated to South Africa when I was 18 months old (my Mom is South African). I went to live in London, UK when I was 20 for 2 years and then spent 18 months in America. I am now back in South Africa. Phew.

4. I speak two languages, English and Afrikaans and am currently learning Japanese. I plan to learn Spanish in the future.

5. I am a redhead- a bit strange because both my parents had black hair. My sister is blonde.

6. I am doing a degree in Industrial Psychology and Communication Science.

7. I think snakes are cute ( I don't own any though!).

And that's it. For now I am going to hold on passing this award to anyone else- this is because I only follow a few blogs and love them all so I honestly don't know which one to choose and choosing them all would feel a bit insincere.

The topic of this blog is Mental illness- particularly depression. I am aware that it's a topic that makes a lot of people feel uncomfortable. I write on two ends of the scale. I'll write posts like the one before this that is dark and then I will write posts that are funny too. And I don't always write about Mental illness either.

Anyway thanks again Wendy and thanks for reading!.

Dear Friends...PLEASE READ THIS

 There is so much going on with me right now that I will write about later. But for now- if you believe in the power of pray- I ask you to join me and many others in praying for this child- his story is the most heartbreaking story I have had heard in a long time. Pray for mercy, pray for LOVE.

http://iwillbeacarrier.blogspot.com/2011/01/davids-story-urgent-need.html

Night before hospital: have something special to share :)

I wasn't going to make a post today but I was on the Sky news website ( very rare for me) and I came across an article about Douglas H "Wheels" Wheelock- an American astronaut who has spent the past 5 months on the International Space Station. He has also been generous enough to entertain everyone on Twitter with dozens of stunning photographs he has taken from space. Take a look:

The United Kingdom at night- I can actually see where my beloved London is. Aurora Borealis in the distance.

Part of the Space Station and Aurora Borealis

The Isle of Juan de Nova off the coast of Africa- looks like a hat :)

Japan at night

If you are on twitter you can follow Douglas here

What always strikes me about photo's from outer space is just how incredibly small and insignificant we all are. From up where Douglas is you cannot see the poverty that millions of people face every day, you cannot see the the wars or any of our transgressions. All you can see is beauty. Space is a majestic mystery to me and it reminds me that there is something far bigger and complex than our minds are capable of understanding. If you read Douglas's tweets it is clear that he is a man who's life has been changed by witnessing something magnificent and beyond the scope of the human imagination or understanding.

We have to leave at 7am tomorrow to be at the hospital at 8am, hopefully the wait won't be to long so I can just get it over ( again they work on a first come, first serve basis). All day I have been preparing by drinking lots of water and resting as much as I can. I am proud that I resisted the urge to take tranquilizers for my nerves- I can't keep relying on that stuff.  But the consequence of that is that I have been eating everything in sight. It's not like I haven't done this before- this is my 5th lumbar puncture. But it sure as hell doesn't get any better and I haven't had one on a while. Besides...who wants a 7- inch needle shoved into their spine?. This may sound stupid but it has been really great having my wabbits. For some reason hugging something soft, fluffy and warm soothes an anxious heart.

I was thinking I probably won't find out if I need brain surgery until my next appointment- just what I need more suspense, it's like my very own Grey's Anatomy

Wish me luck folks:)

x

I've found it! The perfect Christmas prezzie!

Aaaaaah! Japan!, I've held a life long fascination with this country- there are many reasons but the most prominent one would the stuff that they come up with. They will invent those things that are only in the back of the imaginations of some westerners and are normally found in sentences like, " I wish I had a ..'insert outlandish'.. object for... 'insert outlandish reason'....

Take this nifty little gadget- THE SHOUTING VASE.... it holds in your anger!!!!. Some days I think the best thing for me is to have a big screaming session, this will ensure I don't yell at anybody or take it out on my already frustrated pillow. But because I have always lived with people and lived in a town or city it's not entirely possible for me to go screeching my lungs out- not without someone calling the police...or worst the men in white. So I just hold my tongue. But with this great invention I could scream as loud as I want to into the mouth piece and because of the way it's designed it will come out the other side as a slight noise.

Isn't that just peachy? I could scream everything out and go on my merry way.

And I am being absolutely serious...

Unfortunately, there is no way I would be able to get my hands on this any time soon, so I guess my pillow- abuse will continue.

On the EXTREME off chance that someone actually would want to invest in something like this for themselves here is the link: Scream it out!

Happy screaming people!