Celebrations

On Monday night after a stern dressing down from my psychologist I went straight to my support group- which I hadn't been to for a months. My Mom and my cousin went with me.

I really wasn't in a good mood when I arrived I felt overwhelmed from my therapy session and worried about the fact that I was sliding into a deep pit of darkness and things were getting quite serious. And I wasn't entirely sure what to do about it.

But that support group meeting turned out to be the most memorable and I learned something very important that I think everyone, not just those with depression should apply to their lives

Our support group facilitator, started by telling us a story of a very well to do family- the father was a famous plastic surgeon and the mother was an anesthetist. They had two children, a son and a daughter. The father, who was ambitious and successful and had high expectations of his children- the big problem being that he would not accept anything but 1st place or an A+.  If one of his kids achieved only 2nd place and a B+, he would not acknowledge it at all.

This was not healthy for their kids-  to become obsessed by perfection and feel like a failure because perfection is impossible. That is when the mother made the introduction of celebrations. The night before a competition or an exam etc, they would have a celebration dinner to celebrate the fact that their child had made it that far and was so good at something that they could compete in a competition or write that exam. Doing this took focus off the result and embraced and celebrated the journey that the child had made.

Often it is not the result or destination that is important but the journey and the struggles we overcame to get there. For depression, I think everyones ultimate goal is to either get better or get to the point where they can live a normal life while managing their depression successfully. But we wouldn't be able to do this if we didn't undertake the journey of heartache , acceptance and learning to get there. And everyone knows as well as I do- it can be a long, painful test of endurance. But what I learnt from my support group on Monday night is to treasure the journey and celebrate even the most simple triumphs- "I got dressed today", " I started painting again", "I finally believe that I can get better" etc.

At the meeting each one of us lit a candle and stated something we were proud of and wanted to celebrate. There was someone there who lit their candle and said " I want to celebrate that I managed to get out of bed two hours ago and come to this meeting and that I feel better". That nearly broke my heart. I lit my candle and celebrated two things: first that I was able to volunteer for the soccer world cup earlier this year. It was a dream come true and secondly I celebrated that nearly four years after my break down I was still alive and I had made it another year of holding the Black dog from consuming me and claiming yet another statistic. I look at all kinds of statistics and realise that I should dead.

So wherever you are in the world celebrate how far who've come- light a candle, have a dinner with loved ones treat yourself because for most of you it's likely that you are stronger than you were yesterday.

x

Me, Myself and I

Here I am again, with one of my pre- dawn posts after being up all night. It's either that I can't sleep or my mind is just so active I don't want to sleep. Tonight it was the latter- I was dusting my room at 2:30am.

A lot has been happening the past few days. I went to my church counsellors on Saturday, where they prayed specifically for forgiving and for my faith. A lot of messed up stuff has been coming up. But that's another post. I've had a certain topic on my mind for the past few days and I would like to get it off my chest. Please know that this is only my opinion and you have the right to disagree with it. But if you suffer from serious depression, it's something that you may want to consider.

The thing that bothers me about this disease and, indeed even it's treatment, is how focused you become on yourself. When you are in the midst of the awful haze of a bad day you can be forgiven on nothing else but getting out of bed, having a shower, eating all the while having to deal with the bone crushing heaviness. But on other "brighter" days. The focus is still on SELF.

Even with treatment. ME for example- I visit a psychiatrist to discuss MY meds and how I'M feeling. Then off to the psychologist where I talk about ME, MY past, MY present, MY future. And we discuss ME in very minute analytical detail. I will spend two hours a week with the church counsellors where they spend 80% of that time listening to ME talk about, well ME. Anybody supporting ME right now is focused on ME

As for ME I am constantly having to monitor how MY meds are affecting ME and how I feel like today and then ME and ME and I, I, I, MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!

Now, I'm not an idiot I know that to get well, focusing on myself...quite a bit is required. And I don't want to offend those people who have to find a great deal of courage to do this.

But....

Isn't it possible it could go the other way?.That we could focus on ourselves a little to much and lose touch with reality that way because all we can see is ourselves?

The reason why I am bringing it up is because of all the amazing inspiring people that I have met over the years who are in recovery, I have come into contact with a select few, who- and I don't mean any disrespect- are so self- absorbed that they can't tell their ass from their elbow.

I don't want to downplay that they have had hard times. But they are mostly past the trauma stage and stable and have found that they kinda like this part of therapy 'coz of the attention. Seriously, you'll meet these people and time slows. They'll tell you their story...but then they will tell it to you again and each time time the story gets longer and then they start analysing it in minute detail. During a conversation they'll just wait for someone to take a breath so they start talking about themselves. Again. It's no use trying to change the subject because they immediately start to get that "faraway look" as they retreat back into Planet- I. You'll get more response from a tree.

I'm being mean. But I guess I feel I can make jokes because I WAS that person. I'll humble myself and say that I still am in some ways, but I am making the effort to change- not just because I think it is vital for my recovery but for the poor souls that had to put up with my PMS - Poor Me Syndrome.

It is not healthy to focus on yourself all the time. It isn't good if all your thoughts are YOU- based and you should not be allowed to talk about yourself all the time- unless you are paying them

That's why I firmly believe in SUPPORT groups, it's a double positive- you get to share your experiences but you are also forced to shut your trap for a while and listen to somebody else. And in that way you will learn and gain more knowledge.

I also believe that- once a person is stable and if they are able to- volunteering is a great idea. That way the focus is taken off yourself for a bit, while you do something for somebody else. Volunteering with a local mental health organisation could be the most amazing and inspirational learning experience. I speak from experience when I say sometimes the best thing to do when you have a problem is to help someone else- it is good for the soul.

As for family and friends, I have decided that no matter how bad I feel- I will take an interest in how they are doing and LISTEN to them when they talk.