Thursday, April 22, 2010
My hope for the flowers....Part 1
On the 2ND January 2007, I woke up suddenly at 2am to a very eerie bedroom and the strangest feeling. Everything was dark and dead quite- I was lying on my stomach peering out the window- all seemed normal but I felt like something was terribly wrong. Then the weirdest feeling- how I can best describe it, it was as though an ice- cold claw slowly curled round my heart and held it in a vice -grip. A feeling of horrible fear and dread filled me- so much so that I actually stopped breathing and was paralysed. I told myself that if I could just move and get some noise and light into the room then it would just go away. I forced myself to get up, switch the light on and turn on the T.V. I walked around the house to get a grip. Everything seemed normal but it wasn't- that episode had freaked me out so much that I slept for the rest of the night with the T.V and light on. I was afraid to go to bed after that and if I did attempt to I always slept with the light on.
At the time I was living in America, I had left home nearly three years before, spent two years living in London, UK before moving to California. I was on a great adventure but I had been away from home for a long time.
After that night in my room something had changed, it was small at first but day after day it began to take over my life. I was nervous, terrified all the time for no apparent reason. I began to get sick- my asthma flared up for the first since I was a child, I suffered nausea, headaches, my hair started falling out. I had heart palpitations which shocked me- didn't that only happen to older people? How was it possible that I could have heart attack at 23!?.