Monday, June 9, 2014

Baby dreams


Last night I dreamt I had a baby. I knew without a doubt he was mine and I was holding him in my arms. I was so happy and he was so precious. My heart was full and I loved him so much. I kept marvelling at his hands and feet and how perfectly made he was, one of God's masterpieces. Suddenly he started wriggling and I knew in absolutely despair and panic that he was going to disappear. I tried holding onto him tighter, desperate to see his face. But just like that he was gone. I woke at dawn before the sun rose, with empty arms and an even emptier heart. I never got to see his face, the only memory I have are of his hands and feet. Doctors have told me there will never be any babies. I feel like I have failed miserably at something I was never given the chance to do and like someone that I never knew,  but somehow love more than life itself, has died. The pain sometimes makes it hard to breathe. My babies only exists in my dreams. I just wish I could have seen his face