Monday, February 14, 2011

Happy Singles Awareness Day!


So the day of red and white has rolled round ( well it is just ending for me hear...thank God). If you are a guy with a girl, today is not the day you want to be broke. If you are girl  with a guy now is a great time to show off to your friends....or cower in the corner. And if you are single, well on just this one day you will probably feel so much more...single.

Valentines have never been all that spectacular for me. In primary it was exciting because I would maybe find a chocolate on my pillow when I got home from school. Sweets in our house were rare. In highschool I was ignored, although I had a friend who used to bake heart- shaped cookies every Valentines- she saved me. And then of course there are those "young love" relationships were most of the time we were both to broke to do anything spectacular. I had a guy dedicate a song on the radio to me while I was living in London. That was the only highlight in my Valentine history.

Now this may sound unbelievable. But I am a very happy singleton and a very grateful one too. I can't imagine being in a relationship at this time in my life- the poor man!. I don't even have the desire to get married. But I am only human and on this day when where kitchy red hearts, over priced cards and stuffed animals are flying around I have the same feeling I have every year: I am wondering if there is something wrong with me. I almost feel guilty for not having someone in my life- even though it is my own choice. However, all is not lost I think I have found a way to combat this.

When Valentines rolled around last year I was still very sick with BIH. My Mom's two cousins popped in uninvited as they always do and I made Thai Green Curry for everyone. My Mom wanted to have a special dinner for my dad by the dam- which was the highest point on the farm and had magnificent views. So I cooked them roast vegetables and steak and made chocolate cake for desert. My cousins and I then dragged our braai ( a barbaque) up a steep hill for a fire. I set the table with a white cloth and silver candle sticks and had to practically do a bloody fire dance to get the fire going. The look on my Dad's face when my Mom brought him was priceless. My parents spent most of the evening up there. I went home and watched Titanic (don't judge me!).

I was exhausted but I felt happy and I realised it was because even though I didn't have a Valentine. I had created a wonderful Valentines memory for my parents. This year I did the same thing. I had to resort to ready made meals because I was so short on cash...but they didn't know that:). So if you get depressed on Valentines Day like I did try making doing something for somebody who isn't your lover but needs to be shown a little bit of love. Help a couple out that can't afford a nice Valentines. Let your loved ones know you love them.

Showing someone that you love them really rang true for me today. This morning we discovered my cousin was going in for a MRI because they suspect he has a tumor on the brain. He had not told anyone because he didn't want to add to the family problems. Having been through this myself two years ago I know how terrifying it can be and I can't imagine having to do it alone. We raced through to the hospital. I was able to hang out with him just before he went in. He was in this dodgy multi- coloured hospital gown. It was so funny, he looked like Joseph with his technicoloured dream coat. We were laughing and joking around and then I watched, with a heavy heart as he walked down the hall and disappeared. I didn't have a boyfriend today, I didn't get to go to a fancy resturant or on a romantic picnic but I can tell you with certainty that there was no place I would rather have been.

Here is a song I learnt in primary school. It is really beautiful even if it is a little corny. I love John Denver and the message in the lyrics is perfect for what I want to say:)


  1. Beautiful idea. Valentine's Day can be whatever we want it to be. You chose to make it about love instead of let society dictate what it has to be. Kudos to you.

  2. Yep Yep, who needs all that cheesy comcercial stuff anyway? :)

  3. I've been a "singleton" for many years now ;) and I have to say that I DO wish I was with someone who was a true soul mate, I'd rather be alone than with someone who can't appreciate me and love me. And that I didn't feel like reciprocating. You're a wonderful advocate for those of us who can sometimes feel "lacking" when V.Day rolls around, Stephi. Big Valentines hugs to you.

  4. Hey Wendy, I don't mean to make this about age but I have worried that as I get older (I'm 27 now) I will become less and less content about being single- I hope not. Maybe part of my feeling this way is because I grew up in a very large family, we would have up to 12 people living in a four bedroom house sometimes and once I become an adult I just wanted to be alone!.

  5. Hey Stephi,
    Another "singleton" here. That is pretty much my normal state of existence, so I am pretty used to it by now. I have been through various dysfunctional relationships and periods of thinking that the right person would complete me and fix all my problems. I've since come to realize that was not the case, but I suppose that is the kind of thing you learn through experience.

  6. Hey D.P,
    No the right person won't complete you or fix your problems. In fact getting involved with someone may double your problems because no doubt that person has their own problems.

    I realised long ago that until I am able to manage my depression, one slightly dysfunctional relationship could wind me up at the funny farm. It also wouldn't be fair to the guy to make him put up with all my crap, so staying single was more of a necessity. Only in recent years have I started enjoying it.