Monday, April 4, 2011


I am sitting in the hospital right now, getting ready to be poked and
prodded. Today I have a check up with neurology to see that my brain
is behaving itself. Honestly this place has to be the most uninspiring
place on planet earth.

I have to admit the last post did not sit right with me. Firstly when
I wrote it I had my grandmother screaming and calling incessantly in
the background. This is common for someone with advanced Altzheimers
and let me tell you it is hell on earth. So you could say I was
extremely pissed while writing.

Secondly despite my obvious lack of faith in God and all things
related, I do consider myself a Christian, albeit a wayward one. I
haven't shared much of my faith and beliefs on this blog because of 1.
Said lack of faith 2. Religion, God and spirituality generally make
people feel uncomfortable and can start violent and uncomfortable
debates, especially on blogs 3. For me spirituality is very private
right now.

Quite frankly I feel exposed, like I have shared to much. I don't how
many people will be reading that post but I'm leaving it up because I
worked damn hard on it WITH a noisy octogenarian in the background-
not many people can do that.

I guess it's funny that I feel awkward about this. Spirituality is all
over the blogs I read. Most of it is of either the agnostic or atheist
category. Most of what I read I don't agree with but I would like to
point out I have always been respectful and sensitive in my comments
and remained objective. I hope that I'll be granted the same grace.

Well my appointment is over, they've shone little lights in my eyes,
taken blood, argued with my mother (this is mandatory) and now comes
the 3 - 4 hour wait in pharmacy for an asthma pump. You gotta love
state healthcare. I have also brought along my assignment...the one I
was supposed to have done yesterday?... that's due electronically by
midnight. I will attempt to be doing this on my BlackBerry.

Wish me luck...

Sent from my mobile device


  1. To me there's a difference between religion and spirituality. Spirituality is more personal and not dictated by "shoulds" and "have to's." A person can go into a church and then walk out and commit the most horrible act etc..YOU are a very spiritual person to me Stephi, no matter how someone else tries to define you. Jesus was a "spiritual" person in my eyes, NOT someone who followed rules blindly. Keep exploring your faith and there are always bound to be quesitons, which is good, but can be unsettling at times.

    So, sorry you have to deal with all this medical junk.
    Sending you lots of blessings.

  2. Wendy- you and me are like chalk and but I am very grateful that we are friends in spite of that. I have been surrounded by christianity and church my whole life. Believe me I have seen it ALL and I can definately tell you that religion and spirituality/ relationship with God are completely two different things. I actually believe relgion nearly destroyed me and played a huge part in my breakdown.

    I checked the states on that post and it has had a lot of pages views, so it's definately to late to turn back now.

    I guess the only upside to all this "medical junk" is that I do get all my meds free:). That will change though as soon as I get a job:(

  3. Ugh! More tests? Sorry. I hope you get some answers or at least something that gives you some peace.

    If I am writing and one of my kids tries to talk to me, I am usually sunk. I have no idea how you wrote while there was screaming in the background. You are amazing!

    As for the religion/spirituality post, no worries. Anyone who would be unkind to someone who is searching for truth is still struggling in their own personal journey. If you get anything negative, just try to remind yourself that it is their issue. I think what you wrote is great. Honest and open and from your heart. Those are always winners with me.

  4. This looks identical to the post I just commented on, but it shows up later in my reader. I am hoping you were able to get my comment on the other one. I hope you are feeling better since your appointment.

  5. Hey Steph, so sorry to hear you in hospital and hope everything goes well, and the check up is ok.

    I know exactly what you mean- the feeling of being exposed or opening up about something very personal ...I get it often too when writing a revealing blog post and I am always indecisive over whether I should delete or not. But I feel being vulnerable also makes us stronger in a way. I think your post yesterday was a great and well thought-out post, and you should be very proud of it. You are an extremely talented writer.

    Love you!

  6. @Miss Robin As you can see both your comments landed up on the same post lol!. Have no idea why that happened.

    According to my stats...a lot of people have actually been reading that post- but you were the only one that commented lol!. Just as a general topic...God, religion and especially death make most people feel uncomfortable and there are a few people that support this blog that do not believe in God. I guess airing my views made me feel vulnerable especially because I shared what I wanted my afterlife to be like.

    Writing/ reading/ studying while there is shouting and constant talking is something I have to live with. My mom is putting my granmother in a home on the 15th because we can no longer provide the best care for her at home and we have virtually no freedom. I plan on blogging about this.

    @Foxy Check up went fine...they sent me home with a nice bag full of meds.

    Thanks for saying I'm talented! I can write but some of blogs I follow have put me to shame with their own excellent writing.

    That post did make me feel vulnerable a lot of the readers of this do not believe in God or have a big problem with God and I always try to be sensitive to that. That's why I woke up the morning after thinking. "Oh crap!" :)

  7. I'm sorry you have to go through this medical stuff! It's no fun, I know. I hope your neurological illness improves soon. Also, I agree that you are talented. You are also obviously intelligent and articulate.

    I think you should not worry about your last post. If anybody is easily offended, that is really their problem, not yours. I didn't find your post remotely offensive, and I don't believe in God. You have the right to say what you want to say and what your own beliefs are on your blog. Don't let anybody tell you otherwise.