Saturday, September 4, 2010

All that remains...

*And now these three things remain: faith, hope and love. But the
greatest of these is love. - 1 Cor 13 *

After a week where it appears we may loose everything. This is all we
have left: faith, hope and love. My nana goes in for surgery at 8am
tomorrow. We have been told that her heart is week and with that and
old age comes a risk. We have made the decision that whatever happens
we will be fine with. As for our business unfortunately the way things
look right now filing for bankruptcy is fast becaming the only option
we have. Let's just pray for a mircale (several mircales, actually).

It's late and even though I've hardly slept in the last 5 days, my
mind is racing and insomia looks like it's paying me a visit again
*sigh*. It's been a weird blessing to be so focused on other things
because usually that's when my depression leaves me alone temperarily.
I can't say the same for the anxiety, which is not surprising. I've
had the worst cramps and chest pain, when I'm quiet I have the
uncontrolable urge to start screaming till I'm hoarse.

So much is wrong right now and it doesn't help to think about the
future because it is so uncertain, all the dreams and things that I
have planned seem to be fading away. I wish I could cry now, weep
until my eyes are red. Actually throwing myself to the floor and
having a good old fashioned tantrum- snot and tears , kicking and
screaming sound fabulousm. But the meds I was given to stop me from
throwing myself off a high building is also preventing any emotion. I
feel like I'm just aborbing everything that's happening to me with no
way of letting it out and it just seems to be getting heavier

Faith, hope and love: I will try to the best of my ability to hold
onto these. I have been a few times to see the amazing mircales thaat
happen because of these three things

No comments:

Post a Comment